Pastockwell's Blog

April 8

Yesterday I wrote about the confession of our sins that is said in the Litany of Penitence in the Episcopal Church during the Ash Wednesday service. Most of the rest of the Litany is the asking for repentance of our sins. The list of sins includes “for wrongs we have done, for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty.” These admissions of sin should be enough for any one person, but the list continues. We ask repentance “for all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us.” We ask repentance “for our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern for those who come after us.” When one examines these egregious behaviors of humankind, I hope a person can see that these are the very problems we create while living in this world. Human beings across this planet commit these sins constantly in the name of progress or power or fame or religion. We fight each other because of these sins. We think others are less than human or not as smart or beautiful or good. We carry on as though we have the right answers and knowledge of what is best. However, in my way of thinking, we humans have missed the entire message given to us through Jesus Christ and His disciples. We have corrupted the message in the name of God. We go to war for power, control, revenge, or to “protect” democracy from tyrants and despots. But are we in America so right, so perfect, that only we know what is best? I think we need a new approach to living and reading through the list of requests for repentance is sure a good place to start.

April 7

Part of the Ash Wednesday Service is the Litany of Penitence. We all kneel and recite a confession of our sins “by our own fault in thought, word, and deed; by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.” We ask for mercy for not loving God and our neighbors, and being “deaf to your call to serve.” We confess to “unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives.” We confess to self-indulgent appetites, exploitation of other people, anger at our own frustrations, and envy of those more fortunate. We recognize our intemperate love for worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life. We are negligent in prayer and worship, and fail to commend the faith within us. It seems apparent to me that I am asking for a large body of sinfulness to be released from my human burden. I watch the news daily and rail at the screen about other people who should be doing a Litany of their own penitence for sins committed. OOPS! There I go again judging others for which I may be judged. Each of us is willing to change for that which is an improvement of life, but we must also remember to have faith in God that what happened 2000 years ago meant something for the human race. It is during this Lenten season that I hope to understand even more clearly what my mission for God is and how I am to implement it. Part of the mission is to write this blog. It is not always easy to sit and create something from nothing, but so far I have met the basic goal of writing daily. I want to transfer this energy to my book writing, building a second career which hopefully lasts for many years (decades?) to come. Tomorrow, I will write about the second part of the Litany which is asking for repentance.

April 6

A quiet day at home is comfort at its best. I am working in the yard and rebuilding a child sized picnic table. I write my stories and post to my blog. Has God seen fit to gift me with all of this or am I deluded into thinking I have accomplished everything on my own. I will attribute my skills and abilities to God giving me a healthy body and a sharp mind. Now with these gifts come responsibilities. I realize not everyone is a Christian. I am to witness for Christ. I realize many people believe in different religions than Christianity. I am to witness for Christ. I hear the news about zealots who demand that people must come to Christ or be condemned by them to Hell. I am not to judge, for as I judge, so shall I be judged. I am to treat people the way I want them to treat me. However, we have government officials who declare their Christian faith and countermand their own tenets of faith. Many noted people have declared the United States is a Christian nation. I disagree. We are a nation of Christians, and Jews, and Buddhists, and yes, even Muslims. We are as diversified a nation as any that has existed on the planet over the thousands of years of civilized development. And yet we are not civilized to the point of treating each other with love and respect. Keeping praying, those of you who have a faith system. And those of you who are atheists or agnostics, or just believe in a higher power, please work for a more peaceful and understanding world. We are arguing about that which is not as important as the death of Jesus Christ on a cross. Remember, he died because he upset the status quo of His day. He asked us to share, to care, and to dare. Remember he was a Jew and probably the first Socialist. He defied the government and renounced wealth. He ticked off the Pharisees and the Romans. His own people asked for His death. We have a long way to go.

April 5

I finished my training last night regarding alcohol impairment by fans at Seattle Mariner games. It amazes me how many people can misjudge what they are doing when they think nothing is wrong. I have done it and I have watched friends and family do it. We are so tuned in to what our earthly lives present that we can easily forget about what God intends for us. I begin watching the crowds at games on Friday. Hopefully, I will not discover bad behavior on opening night. I know what to observe, and who to contact if things get difficult. So during this Lenten season, I need to focus on the lessons I have learned over my 60+ years of life in Christ and use these lessons to address issues which occur. Pray for me and the other event staff members who also address issues which arise during the game. God will guide us.

April 4

I am attending the last of my training sessions with the Seattle Mariners baseball organization, tonight. This training is about alcohol use and misuse in the stadium and recognition of who is imbibing beyond an entertainment level. I think we are also learning to identify underage drinkers and non-stadium hard liquors. When we humans act in manners that interrupt other people around us, we sin against the tenets of our Christian ethics. We are to treat others the way we want to be treated by others. When I start working on Friday, it is opening day at Safeco Field. I want everyone to enjoy an evening experience that is enjoyable and memorable. Each of us should act as caring responsible citizens. Hoever, being a realist, I know some people will create challenges for the rest of us. My learning curve is steep and the gaining of knowledge will be on–the-job training. Wish me luck as I experience a new endeavor.

April 2

Today has been a fun day. First my baby girl had another birthday. She celebrated at the Melting Pot Restaurant in Virginia. I miss her but look forward to her coming west in May and again in June. We are going to be Virginia in July to celebrate her baby boy’s first birthday. I had my first training day with the Seattle Mariners baseball team. It was called rookie training. Tomorrow I train with my team of seating hosts, and on Monday we learn how to handle any problems arising from imbibing to excess. I do believe God has my life under control so I don’t screw it up. I keep listening for instructions and I feel I am guided well. Sure, you say, you’re hearing things none of us is hearing. Well, each of us needs to open our lives to what is given to us and stop thinking we are alone. Lent is for us to contemplate the directions given and then follow then. It isn’t an easy task, because we interpret what we think we hear and combine that with what we think we know and can do on our own. I believe, mostly, we get it wrong and move further away from God, in other words, we sin. I know I can be pig headed at times. I can be stubborn and unfeeling. I fight to subordinate these actions, but I cannot do it alone and pray for the needed assistance from the Holy Spirit, sent to us freely by God. Easter is getting closer and we will celebrate a risen Christ; death no longer rules. Have a wonderful Sunday.

April 1

I have finished commenting on Psalm 51 verses 1 through 18. I have completed half of my self- assigned daily blogging. Lent continues and I need to complete the remaining days, blogging about what I am feeling during this Lenten season. I begin training as a seating host for the Seattle Mariners baseball team, tomorrow. The training continues on Sunday and Monday. When the team returns to Seattle, I imagine I will be assigned to seat guests during opening day on Friday when we play the Cleveland Indians. So how do I apply what I have written these last three weeks to what I have to do for the next three weeks before Easter happens?

I am a retired teacher, as I have stated, and I applied my Christian values to my teaching. I believe the job of seating host will have many of the same challenges of dealing with the public as I had dealing with students and parents. The vast majority of fans are going to be wonderful and understanding. They are attending to watch the team endeavor on the field. Only a few of the fans will act disruptively and will need instruction about changes of behavior or directions on leaving the stadium. I will be taught these protocols tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday. I must remember that I will treat these people as I wish to be treated, regardless of their maleficent actions, bitter words, or direct confrontation. I must remember; I believe God protects all of us, not just the “good ones.” So wish me luck and pray I am listening to God’s directive to me about what I am doing. I’ll let you know how it goes.

March 31

Psalm 51 Verse 18: The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

The last verse of Palm 51 sums up everything very well. If only we humans felt remorse for the things we do which cause harm to others. Some of these actions aren’t very big, but the repercussions become an intricate web of harmful events destroying our own lives and those affected by our initial action. We think we can handle one time, but it leads to another and then another until we are caught in the web spun by deceit and lies. Sometimes we think we are doing a good deed for another person, but it unleashes a string of misfortune and sadness, not intended at all, but harmful nonetheless. So how do we act when we realize our wrongful actions? Do we say “Oh, well, not my fault.” Or do skulk away hoping no one notices? Should rant about the stupidity of the other person who couldn’t keep it together? How about we just shrug our shoulders and say “Oops.” The last verse of Psalm 51 contains an important message for all of humanity. We should be troubled by our actions done and left undone. We must break our hardened hearts. A person who is contrite about living a sinful life will be welcomed by God. We do not need to sacrifice burnt offerings. We do not need to pay penance to the church or temple or synagogue or mosque. We must not ignore the fact that we are who we are, but we can sacrifice our own desires and lusts for power, ego, money, and control by letting go of these earthy temptations. Open your hearts to God’s Holy Spirit. Enter into life with God, Yahweh, Allah, the Great Spirit, or whatever you personally call the one true God who rules over all of us. Sacrifice your heart and spirit. You will not be despised. 

March 30

Psalm 51 Verse 17: Had you desired it, I would have offered sacrifice; but you take no delight in burnt-offerings.

I sure am glad I do not have to kill a lamb and burn it as an offering to God. I do understand that I must sacrifice my own will to God and let Him guide my life, however. My own desires and wishes are secondary to the requirements of God for eternal life. Jesus comprehended the need to be sacrificed for us on the cross so we could be freed from our sins. If a person is willing to go to such extremes to help us, why can’t we humans be more sacrificing of our greed and self-indulgence to help each other? Politically, we argue about freedom to choose, taxes, education, medical coverage, unions, the military, invasions of other countries, etc. We take a stance and refuse to budge. Where the sacrifice in any of that? Had any of us understood that sacrificing a little for the good of all benefits each of us, maybe we wouldn’t in such a quandary as a country. I fear the United States is on a crash course toward becoming less than influential in the world. Individually, we can sacrifice for our friends, but can we give up something important for someone we really don’t know? If God demanded sacrifice of us, would we even realize the need to let go? I don’t think so. Since I can only control what I do, I will listen to God’s will for me and sacrifice whatever He demands of me, it just won’t be burnt.

March 29

Psalm 51 Verse 16: Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.

This verse seems self-explanatory. I am proclaiming God’s praise with each blog posting. Each of us who believes should be praying for open lips to proclaim the greatness of Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save our souls. What better way exists than to have faith in living a righteous life following the commandments, Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul; and the second is like unto it, love your neighbor as you would want to be loved. Such easy directions and so difficult to understand and accept. I find the most challenging commandment to be: love thy neighbor. Who is my neighbor? Can I exclude those who are mean to me, or anyone who is not thinking like I think? Is my neighbor the lady who destroyed my Mustang in 2003? Should I include murders, rapists, or sodomites? Will the person who treats me badly be on the list of neighbors? This commandment works only if a person can forgive themselves for any wrong perpetrated on anyone. How do I forgive? I pray, Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.